Here are one of three in an articles series featuring insurance selling humor, jokes, laughter, quotations, and motivation. Kick back and enjoy.

1. LEARNING TO SELL   A new life insurance salesperson needing a boost turns to his successful vacuum salesperson friend. His buddy says, "Selling is easy, you don't even need leads, you just have to get their attention first." He tells the life insurance salesperson to come along with him.

Both salesman appear at an elderly lady's old home. Before allowing the woman to speak, the vacuum salesperson rushes into the living room and throws a huge bag of nasty dirt all over her clean carpet. He confidently says, "If this new vacuum doesn't pick up every bit, then I'll eat all the dirt."

The woman, loses her patience, saying, "Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?"

2.  PROFESSIONAL TALENTS  A accountant, architect, and insurance salesperson work in the same office building. They constantly argue who's the smartest, and all are dog owners. They decide to bring their dogs to work next week, and let the dogs actions determine who is the smartest.

The accountant opens a big box of dog biscuits and throws them on the table. He instructs his dog "Count" to add up the total biscuits. The well groomed female dog winks back muttering "ninety five." The account smiles and stretches back in his chair. He says "beat that!"

Going next, the architect uses the same  box of biscuits. His beautiful female dog is "Bridget". Quickly the dog builds a three tiered, well designed bridge. The owner proudly says to the insurance salesperson, "You sure can't top that, it took me years to train my dog to do everything exactly right."

The insurance salesman replies "training means nothing, you need natural instinct". He brings out his mongrel male dog, "Commission". Next he throws the dog biscuits in the trash. "Commission" instinctively rushes over to the two dogs, screws them both over, and takes the rest of the day off.

3. A TRUE STORY  A TRUE Story. A Charlotte NC man, having purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these fine cigars and without yet having made his first premium payment on the insurance policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim the man stated that the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires".

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in normal fashion. The man sued and won! In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated that - nevertheless - the man held a policy with the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was therefore obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the man for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires".

Now for the best part. After the man cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

4. NO-FAULT COVERAGE   Sam an insurance agent, and Joe a factory worker are driving down the same road. By some unfortunate mishap, the cars slam head-on into each other, head-on. The two men escape any serious injury, but the cars are totaled. Sam immediately says, "Instead of fighting over whose fault it is, and since we both have insurance, why don't we just celebrate being alive?"

Joe says, "Yeah, good idea!"   "I have a bottle of whisky in the trunk, why don't I pull that out?" suggests Sam. He gives the undamaged bottle to Joe and says, "Here pal, drink some!"

Frank, being very thirsty, takes the bottle and chugs it half down. He wipes his mouth and hands the bottle over to Sam. "Here, now you have some!"  Sam passes the whiskey back and says, "No, I think I'll wait until the police get here."

5. POLICY VALUE  Suddenly Buford's barn burns down and his wife, Daisy Mae, calls the insurance agent handling all their insurance policies. Daisy Mae tells the insurance agent, "We had that barn insured with you for sixty thousand and I want my money." The agent responds , "Whoa, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We first determine the value of what was insured and provide you with a new barn of comparable worth."

There was a long pause, and Daisy Mae replies, "Then I'd like to cancel Buford, my husband's life insurance policy."

6.  "Needing life insurance is like needing a parachute. If it isn't there the first time you need it, you won't be needing it again."

7. Quote must be from a life insurance agent trying to make a sale. "The great use of life is to spend it on something that will outlast it." James Truslow Adams

8. Life is beset by many annoyances, and those that stand out above all are the life insurance agents.
-----Alice MacDougal------

9.  "There are really one three types of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who say what happened"   -------Ann Landers-------