Here are some of the best health car, and life  insurance humor and jokes I have written or heard from others. Maybe it will help make your day a bit brighter. Rate them thumbs up or thumbs down, then email us if you have a good clean one others would enjoy hearing.

1. TONGUE TWISTER   A tongue twisted man walks into a toothbrush sales office requesting a job. The manager after hearing him, realizes this guy can hardly talk right, let alone sell. The man upon hearing no way, repeatedly says "But I have a plan", To get him off his back the manager gives him a box of toothbrushes, and tells him to report at next week's meeting.

At the meeting the manager asks each salesperson how they did, when he gets to this guy, the guy replies "2, two toothbrushes". In dismay, the manager tells him to find another job. The guy pleads, "But I have a plan." The manager relents and says "alright, but this time do it right".

At next weeks meeting, salesperson after salesperson report record sales. He gets to his new guy. The guy replies, "22, twenty two toothbrushes." Blowing steam the manager tells him that's it! The guy says "I need one more chance, my plan is ready to work." Peeved, but intrigued the manager again gives in.

Just before the next meeting, the manager notices the supply room of crates of toothbrushes almost all gone. He asks for the sales, and again most salespeople report productive results. Now ready to fire the new guy, he asks the guy, "Well what's your excuse, how many did you sell". "22,222, twenty two thousand two hundred twenty two toothbrushes" the guy beams. The manager asks him how he did it. The guy says, "I told you I had a plan. I went to the airport, thousands of people wandering around. I had a big bowl of chips and some dip. They took a chip and then some dip. They all said, this dip tastes like dog____. I said, it is. Want to buy a toothbrush?"

Today this guy is one of the most successful life insurance managers in the United States.

2. AGGRESSIVE LIFE AGENT  "Don't let me pressure you", said the aggressive life agent, "why don't you sleep on my offer and call me in the morning, IF you wake up."

3. WORST THINGS IN LIFE  "There are worst things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance agent?"    by Woody Allen

4. WOMAN JOKE  What do a woman and insurance have in common? They are both expensive, difficult to understand, and hard to collect on a guarantee.

5. MAN JOKE  A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.". So his wife, unplugged the TV and threw out all his beer.

6. WHOLE LIFE   What's the difference between a man and a whole life policy? A Whole life policy eventually matures

7. KEEP IN SHAPE   Life insurance agents always tell you to keep in shape "You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is".  by Ellen DeGeneris

8. LEARNING INSURANCE TRICKS  A new life insurance salesperson needing a boost turns to his successful vacuum salesperson friend. His buddy says, "Selling is easy, you don't even need leads, you just have to get their attention first." He tells the life insurance salesperson to come along with him.

Both salesman appear at an elderly lady's old home. Before allowing the woman to speak, the vacuum salesperson rushes into the living room and throws a huge bag of nasty dirt all over her clean carpet. He confidently says, "If this new vacuum doesn't pick up every bit, then I'll eat all the dirt."

The woman, loses her patience, saying, "Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?"

9. DRIVING AWARD  "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

10. BIBLE TELLS US SO  "When did the bible first mention insurance? When Adam and Eve needed more coverage."